This is very fucking serious.

When you are a parent you have to consider what is going to be a good influence on your kid and what is going to be a bad influence. You teach your kids the dangers of drugs and alcohol, the importance of doing well in school, so on and so forth. One of the important things to consider is what you allow your kid to view as entertainment.

I am pretty careful about that. Here is the most recent example:

My daughter was watching the Care Bears the other day. She’d be pissed if I told you that because she thinks she is too old for it, but hey, you are Myspacing right now… who are you to fucking judge? Anyway, I try to sit through some of her shows and some I have even started to like. Sponge Bob, Drake and Josh, and Zack and Cody are all decent. But I would rather fuck a monkey with aids than watch Care Bears. Unfortunately, the monkey was busy this night.

So, here is what happens. Sally wants Carl to play some soccer. Carl, is wearing a fucking bow tie and black socks. He looks like a fucking dildo… but with a bow tie. Anyfuck, Carl tries to kick the ball and hits his stupid self, right in his stupid face. He starts to to whine like a pussy about how much he sucks at soccer and wants to quit. The kids on the soccer field who actually wear soccer uniforms and practice, find the obvious fucking humor in some dumb shit practically decapitating himself while wearing a bow tie on a soccer field. I guess this makes them them villains.

Well, the Care Bears overhear all of this and decide they are help Carl out. By finding him an activity he is good at? No. By giving him this bullshit line: “You are as good as you think you are.” I wonder how many times someone won an Olympic medal with that line of thinking?

So they decide to challenge the soccer kids to a game, making Carl their team captain. They start to play, and of course, Carl sucks. The soccer players are winning and Carl starts to whine like a bitch again. Then he kicks the ball… badly. This is where the story goes apeshit.

After Carl kicks the ball, a Care Bear uses his powers to redirect the ball and score a “point”. What? Are you fucking kidding me? Two things. (1) That’s fucking cheating. Last time I checked, the use of magic in soccer is prohibited. (2) It’s called a fucking goal in soccer. Why would you take the time to help a kid play soccer if you don’t even know the proper terminology of the sport?

Anyshit, the Care Bears helped Carl believe in himself, and him, and those furry little fuckers won the game.

Moral of the story- Practicing soccer and wearing proper attire means you are a bad kid.

Being a nerd and using the methods outside the limits of the game is ok as long as you believe in yourself. Fuck, I think Barry Bonds watched this every time he injected steroids in his ass.

How the story should have gone- The Care Bears should have come down, looked at Carl and said, “Look buddy, some people aren’t cut out for sports. Here is a chemistry set, believe in yourself and go fucking cure cancer.”

Um, are you as good as you think you are? Or do you actually need talent?

What comes on your TV that boils your blood?

I have decided the funny has been taken out of my blogs lately Do I have to blog about relationships and shit all of the time or can you handle this shit?